John Gray vs Everybody: 3 Reasons He's Not Wrong This Time
John Gray vs Everybody: 3 Reasons He's Not Wrong This Time
Ahhhhh, the internet remains undefeated yet again.
*deep breath* Okay, recently John Gray sat down on the talk show Sister Circle and talked about his ministry, new book, and his marriage to wife, Aventer Gray. Though I’m sure it’s not why he was originally brought on the show, Gray’s commentary on his marriage was what got the internet buzzing.
Admittedly, I do not follow John Gray’s ministry closely. However, whenever I see a sermon clip or the one time I was able to witness him preach in person, his theology seems sound (or at least not less sound than most other popular preachers ) and he’s quite charismatic and relatable in his approach.
My point is I have no qualms or attachment to the man whatsoever.
That being said, from where I stand it seems no matter what the man says or does folks are determined to misunderstand or disagree with him. Now, I am not saying the man is a saint. He has his flaws and those flaws tend to play out on camera and go viral. However, sometimes, like in this case, I wonder if “we” are confusing dislike of a person with an actual problematic opinion.
In case you missed it, here’s full interview, and the clip that had people all in a tizzy starts at 12:37.
“my wife has endured more pain birthing me than both of our children. She has sacrificed these last eight years, uncovering the painful areas of my manhood and covering the areas that could have exposed me.”
Many were outraged by this sentiment because they felt as though it was another case of a black woman sacrificing herself for the sake of a man who was okay with hurting her in the process to becoming a suitable mate.
Though it is a prominent issue and I understand the concern, esp in the black community, I don’t believe this is an example of such a case.
Here are 3 reasons why:
1. I would first like to state that Aventer Gray is a grown woman…like GROWN grown. She likely knew quite a bit about her husband before she married him. She probably knew that she was “two sizes too big for him” and decided that her love for him was worth the time and energy required to be his wife.
This idea that we, as women, are victims subjected to the chronic immaturity of men is unempowering at least and flat out false at most. We have a choice in our mates and if what is being presented as a life partner is below standard, unhealthy, or incompatible we have a responsibility to either require change or refuse to bond ourselves for a lifetime. Aventer chose to marry John, which indicates her willingness to endure whatever trials that decision carries.
2. Healthy relationships are made from adversity. NO, women should not be subjected to abuse (of any form) on the road to healthy relationships, however, in marriage, at one point or another one person will be pressing towards maturity while another spurs them towards it, and vice versa. I’m sure Aventer has her own weaknesses that John helps strengthen.
It’s a reciprocal exchange that operates under the principle of Grace. Sometimes that press towards maturity looks ugly, bloody, and may cost the one spurring some pain and stretching. However, this is the true work of marriage.
Which brings me to my next point…
3. The idea that the sole purpose of marriage is to make us happy is just so incredibly false. The goal of marriage, like most things within the Christian lifestyle, is to push us towards holiness and sanctification (i.e. to look more and more like Jesus). With that being understood, it should come as no surprise that someone within the marriage actually needs the sanctification! John Gray seemed, to me, to be admitting how his sanctification process played out in his marriage and acknowledging his wife’s role within it.
With John Gray being who he is he was probably being a bit dramatic in his wording, but honestly, I believe women have this unique ability to bring out the better in a man through nurturance and love.
NO, we are not mothers to husbands. However, we are called to be soft and safe places for men to be more of who God created them to be…as should they be to us.
But YES, sometimes there is pain involved in doing so because evolution often requires that. You don’t become a popular comedian, turned mega church associate pastor, turned Reality TV star, turned founder and lead pastor of a church, or his wife, without any pain. Apparently, Aventer Gray was the right woman to meet his needs so they could reach their destiny.
In conclusion, you can choose to marry a man who requires less “birthing” if you want, and you probably should. But Aventer Gray isn’t complaining about her portion. So, why are you?
What are your thoughts on John Gray’s interview? Do you agree or Disagree? Comment below I’d love to hear from you!