In the Meantime
In the Meantime: 5 Tools to Help You Survive Hard Seasons
There are things that happen in life that rock you to your core. There are things that shake you so severely you don’t even know if you have the strength or will to survive it. If you’ve never experienced such a thing you won’t understand. I’m talking about a situation when the phrase “crap hits the fan” is a mild description of where you are. Imagine all the crap….hitting all the fans….simultaneously….in one room. Now you get it.
When you’re 15 and imagine your adult life you think of your obviously 6-figure career, your fabulous girls trips around the globe, your penthouse suite or 6-bedroom house (you're practical), your fine husband who’s a doctor/lawyer/engineer/activist and super romantic (because….duh!), and your perfect babies who are beyond intelligent for their ages, obedient, fun, and nothing bad ever happens to them.
What you don’t account for is not getting your career off the ground, having a mental health breakdown, infidelity, addiction, infertility, miscarriage, death of a parent or close family member, divorce, a bad financial decision that ruins everything, unexpected illnesses (acute or chronic), or job loss. So, what happens when the unexplainable and the unexpected happens?
What happens when you’re a Christian and your life takes the darkest turn you could never have imagined and there’s no guarantee of things getting better. Matter of fact, what happens when you KNOW the situation won’t change. This is it. The miscarriage happened, the family member is gone, papers are signed, or the illness is here to stay.
Maybe you’re more mature in your faith so leaving God isn’t an option. But…now what. You’ve prayed and maybe you hear God, but He’s saying a whole lot of things like, "Trust me, not your bank account," or “Love & submit to your husband even when it's hard,” or “Count it all Joy when you encounter various trials,” or “Never seen the righteous of the Lord forsaken,” or “Your identity doesn’t lie in what job you have, but in Me,” or…”Be still.”
Yes, and Amen.
But it doesn't change where you are or how you feel.
And maybe you're experiencing depression.
And maybe giving up hope of anything good happening ever again.
What do you do between hurt and Healing? discouragement and Hope?
My AW followers know that I’ve been on sabbatical for the past month and a half, so it’s no secret that I am in one of these seasons currently.
Here is a list of things that have literally kept me alive:
Breathing
In the 24 hours after all hell broke loose I had to go to class. I woke up to the rudest realizations: this wasn’t a dream and the world didn’t stop to give me time to process. I didn’t have the capacity to tell my brain to tell my limbs to move and get me ready for that day. Mike had to help dress me and gather my things. But the one thing I could do was get from one moment to the next by breathing, and because it’s something my body does naturally it didn’t take too much energy. Next thing I knew I was actually using that breath to socialize with my classmates. I even laughed! I’d have moments where reality would sink in, so I’d take a deep breath, then let my body do its thing.
Before I knew it, I had accumulated enough breath to get me to another day, then one week, and now over a month.
Grieving
During my time as a hospital social worker I learned A LOT about grief. One thing I learned was that grief is a normal part of life that we experience when there is a loss of expectation, traumatic encounters, loss of relationships, etc. It even looks similar to what you would expect during the loss of a loved one. Early on I recognized that I was experiencing grief, though I had no body to mourn. I cried every day, several times a day. I experienced anger and mood swings. I had days where I didn’t speak to anyone unless I had to (still don’t lol! I’m working on it!). I asked God to rewind time to when my life felt comprehendible. I had days of deep sadness where I felt like a piece of paper just floating in the air from day to night. I was frustrated at myself in the beginning, however, I have learned to give myself grace. A friend told me to let myself feel whatever I need to because a year from now, I don’t want to experience bitterness because I pretended to be okay too early.
If you’re in a similar season know this: You’re not making a mountain out of a mole hill, you’re not being dramatic, you’re being human. Give yourself grace to experience what comes with this season. Grieving leads to healing.
Accountability and Support
While my head felt like it was underwater, I had enough sense to know that I was going to need help to walk this season out. I called on four women who I knew could 1. Give me wisdom and not just allow me to wallow where I was (this is KEY) 2. Pray heaven down on my behalf 3. Hold me accountable to take care of myself and lean on Jesus. They let me cry, then let me curse (sue me), they let me sit in silence, they even let me question God’s plan for my life. Then they affirmed me, spoke Truth, and ended conversations with prayer. In addition one of them is going through The Armor of God devotional by Priscilla Shirer with me as another added layer of covering and accountability.
If you don’t have a tribe of Godly women, both elders and peers, you’re missing a huge manifestation of God’s Love.
Professional Help
One of my first calls I made was to my counselor who, through the phone, was able to get me to some sort of equilibrium so I could function. Look, we all know the benefits of having a counselor. I’m not going to rehash all of that. I will say this; my counselor is a Believer and I chose her specifically for that reason. She was not only be able to speak to my mental health, but she could do it from my worldview which was very important to me.
There are many professional counselors who use their faith therapeutically. Psychology Today can help you find counselors in your region and filter them out based on various criteria including faith.
Prayer
This really should be first because, and I mean this with every ounce of sincerity, the presence of God is the ONLY reason I’m alive. I recently told someone that I am shocked at where I am and how I have handled myself. Vernique from five years ago would have bailed on school, marriage, church, friends, God, EVERYTHING. Even before anything happened, God was training me to keep my eyes on Him. The moment I realized things were shifting I immediately ran to the Throne Room.
In the very beginning, there were days when my prayers were more tears than words with mumbles of “Help” in between sobs. I wanted to fix things and find solutions, but God quickly reminded me that my greatest weapon in this fight was Prayer. So, I did and continue to do so. Interesting enough, though I’ve prayed about one thing in particular and I believe God will bring healing in that area, He’s actually been dealing with my heart and my perspective primarily.
Lastly, one of the first things my counselor sent me was a sermon series from North Point Church called “In the Meantime.” This sermon series by Pastor Andy Stanley has been so vital to my journey. He lays out how to go through seasons where you know things won’t get better, or at least no time soon. It was refreshing to hear such a candid sermon. It taught me how to relate to God in the midst of suffering and loss. It reminded me of the Truth that God is still God whether I’m flourishing or failing, and His opinion of you and me doesn’t change in those moments either.
Whether you’re in a similar place or not (you will be eventually, trust me) this series is a must.
Are you or were you in a harsh season? What has helped you? Share your thoughts below I’d love to hear from you!