Grief is the Final Act of Love

I watched the Celebration of Life service held in honor of Ermias Joseph Asghedom, better known as Nipsey Hussle, on Thursday. I sat at my desk at work and held back tears as loved ones told testimony of his genius, his kindness, his achievements, and what Neighborhood Np meant to them all. But, I waited with anticipation for one eulogy in particular, Lauren London’s.

She was lavished in a beautiful white dress, long wavy hair, and black sunglasses, no doubt to hide the puffy and red disposition of her eyes from tears shed.  She shared a moment with her and Nipsey’s city of LA, to whom she noted was exceptionally hit by the loss of the multifaceted artist. She spoke with such grace, strength, and dignity. However, what was most impactful about her speech was the eloquent and intimate text message she sent to her life partner back in January.

Read the text below:

Words like that don’t come from a fairytale kind of love.  Words like that don’t go to just any caliber of a man. The words she would eventually memorialize at is untimely funeral, penned while she sat next to a sleeping Nipsey in bed, could only be said within the bounds of an authentic and enduring relationship.  An untainted, non-toxic, reciprocal type of love.

He was clearly a man who provided for his family, and those he called family, not only financially, but spiritually and mentally.  He was a covering. 

How do you know, Vernique!? You weren’t in their relationship!

You’re right, I wasn’t.

But we’re so used to seeing examples of toxic and uncommitted black men in the media that we forgot the antithesis exists. The man was so constant of character everyone had the same story to tell of this kind, gentle, and caring figure.

Lauren stated that Ermias sparked Joy in her, he was a safe place for her, she was able to be herself with him that it effortlessly moved her to pull off her mask. He helped mature her, he encouraged her, and spurred her to learn more and dig deeper.  It hurt her to be at odds with him, so the egos were secondary to the responsibility of loving each other well. She respected him.

I was not in the Staples Center that day, but the love they shared radiated through the screen.  It was like we walked into a room we weren’t supposed to be in but benefited from anyway.

You could tell they weren’t perfect.  They’d been through some things. But they were tested and true. Committed.

The ending of their story, though harrowing, leaves a glimmer of hope.  It reminds us that loving is a risk, but the reward of vulnerability, effort, partnership, and intimacy far outweighs the fears we may have. Lauren will never have to guess what love looks, feels, walks, and talks like ever again; a knowing many of us have never experienced.

In contrast, however, it is always my advice to never deem anything as #goals, because the price to the goal may be one we are unwilling to pay. As Lauren quoted, “Grief is the final act of love.”  It is both a burden and a privilege for the one carrying it.

One thing is for sure, the world will never be the same.  A bright light was taken from us and we have all felt it. But he has transitioned to make a journey we will all take one day. Nevertheless, we now have an obligation to carry on a piece of Nipsey so we never forget and the enemy knows that love wasn’t defeated on that day. In the words of his beloved, “The Marathon Continues.”

Share your thoughts about the Love, Life, and Legacy of Nipsey Hussle. I’d love to hear from you.