I’ve told this story so many times, but healing after experiencing divorce really began for me after my friend sat me down and told me I was a hot mess.
Well not quite in those words, but it felt like that’s what she said.
Honestly, up until that point I thought I had healed and was ready to move forward. But my life at the time was in flames, I just couldn’t get myself to admit it or ask for help.
Once my friend gave me that wake up call, I began my journey toward intentional, and real healing.
Maybe you’re like me and wondering, “How do I know if I’m fake healing?”
Glad you asked!
Here are 5 signs:
5. Hiding behind work
Your ability to be productive is not the same as healing. Just because you aren’t falling apart doesn’t mean you have it together. For high-achieving individuals, this is very common. If you fill your calendar with tasks and projects just so you don’t have to feel, you’re faking the funk.
Get still, take a break, and you’ll be surprised at what might surface.
4. You start performing
This one comes in subtle ways. Do you ever make strides in your healing and decide to post every revelation? Or force behaviors so others think you’re doing well? When you participate in aspects of healing so you can seem healed, you’re missing on the beauty of healing.
Real healing requires you to dig your feet in. Commit to the process so you don’t forfeit your inheritance of healing.
3. Rushing into relationships
When relational trauma and brokenness occurs sometimes you feel the urge to cling to someone else for comfort. I’ve been there! However, when you feel an emotional pressure to get into a relationship, instead of being led by wisdom and peace, you’re in for a world of hurt. When trauma is fresh, I recommend pausing on all romantic connections (and maybe even new friends) to avoid trauma bonds.
Intentionally investigate new connections and make sure it isn’t rooted in trauma.
2. Offended by Accountability
When you’re fake healing, defensiveness will arise. Any perspective that calls out your unhealthy behaviors will feel like an attack. On the contrary, healthy hearts see accountability as an opportunity for improvement.
When defensiveness arises, remind yourself that accountability is necessary for you to grow
1. Avoidance of self-reflection
Fake healing manifests the most in the mind. When you don’t take time to acknowledge your thoughts, feelings, and emotions, you literally cannot heal. Healing requires intensive self-awareness and the ability to address your inner-atmosphere directly. It’s hard, but it’s necessary.
Journaling is a great way to connect with yourself in a way that isn’t intimidating.
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